The more we talk about our postpartum experiences, the less stigma, guilt, and surprises there will be for new moms.
Congrats on your new adventure! You have so much to look forward to.
I believe in focusing on the positive: becoming a mom is truly a gift. But I also believe in being realistic and practical. And if you’re anything like me, you may be feeling overwhelmed.
After my transition to motherhood, I couldn’t believe other moms didn’t talk more about how hard their first year was. For me, it was hard and transformative.
I’m not an expert but I learned some things along the way. When I started, I wish I had more information — both good and bad — to better prepare. So I’ve decided to start sharing myself. I’d be happy if this information helped at least one new mom on their journey and made them feel less alone.
The more we talk about our postpartum experiences, the less stigma, mom guilt, and surprises there will be.
To new and expecting moms (and partners/loved ones),
For expecting moms
It’s impossible to fully prepare for life after baby. But there’s a lot more you can do than get the nursery ready and pack your ‘go bag’ for the hospital.
Here are some things I’m glad I did (or wish I did) to prepare for postpartum.
Make a postpartum plan.
Set up a rough framework with your partner outlining preferences, expectations, and roles to navigate the transition to parenthood.
Learn about PMHDs.
1 in 5 new moms (and 1 in 10 dads) suffer from a perinatal mood and health disorder (PMHD). Learn more about the symptoms so they’re easier to recognize and treat if they emerge postpartum.
Discuss roles with your partner.
Household chores will ramp up significantly after baby. Assess your current division of labor to achieve the right balance; then recalibrate once baby arrives.
Make a maternity coverage plan.
Outline your key responsibilities at work and determine what can be stopped or consolidated. Delegate tasks to your team and include the plan / timing for transitioning back to work.
Learn about matrascence.
Becoming a mother is a process. Understanding that it’s a major life transition can help manage expectations and ease into this new identity.
Read the instruction manuals.
Baby gear can be complicated (car seat, breast pump, swaddles). Read the manuals in advance and watch demos to minimize stress later.
Build your support village.
It takes a village to raise a child (and a new mom). Identify your resources early and line up support, especially for the first couple of months after birth.
Get clear about your ‘me time’.
When things get overwhelming, it’s even more important to carve out time for yourself. Be intentional about what you need to recharge, then ask for it. You’ll come back a better mom and partner.
Get rest.
The early months are truly a marathon. It’s easy to obsess over small details when preparing for baby’s arrival. Focus on what matters most, especially your health and sleep.
For more information, tools, and support that helped me on my journey, visit the Resources below.
For new moms.
It’s easy to get overwhelmed once you’ve had your baby. It’s not just about keeping your baby healthy. It’s also about navigating changes to your identity and relationship with your partner.
Here’s what I learned in my first year of motherhood:
It’s not just about raising a baby.
Being a good mom isn’t just about raising a baby, but being intentional about the mom (and partner) I want to be.
Being a better partner and setting boundaries.
This meant being a better co-parent, focusing on what matters, letting go of control, and reclaiming time for myself.
You are not alone.
It helps to talk about the struggles and not pretend everything is great. Joining a peer support group with other new moms made me realize I wasn’t alone.
Let go of perfection.
There’s no such thing as a perfect parent. Being a good mother does not mean being a perfect mother.
Recalibrating my priorities.
Caregiving is a full-time job. It forced me to recalibrate my priorities and where my value and self-worth come from (including how my job fits into my life and identity).
Motherhood is hard.
Motherhood is a full-time job, requiring many new skills (sleep, feeding, and more). You and your baby are so new to this relationship. You’re not supposed to know everything right away.
Let go of control.
For someone who loves to plan, I learned quickly that motherhood is not that. Flexibility is key for reducing guilt and shame.
Ask for help.
Learning that it’s not only okay, but essential to ask for help.
It’s not our fault it’s this hard.
There’s so much more our systems—healthcare, employers, and governments—can do to fully support new moms and co-parents. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
For more information, tools, and support that helped me on my journey, visit the Resources below.
This site is also for you. It really does take a village to raise a healthy child (and new mom).
If you know a new mom or parent, please check in on them. Even if you haven’t experienced anxiety of depression yourself, someone you know has.
For partners & loved ones.
Here are good places to start:
Learn about PMHDs.
1 in 5 new moms (and 1 in 10 dads) suffer from a perinatal mood and health disorder (PMHD). Learn more about the symptoms so they’re easier to recognize and treat if they emerge postpartum.
Make a postpartum plan.
Set up a rough framework outlining preferences, expectations, and roles to navigate the transition to motherhood.
Advocate for mom’s mental health.
If something doesn’t feel right for a new mom (or co-parent), talk to them about it. Help is available and discussing concerns and symptoms with an Ob/Gyn or reaching out to Postpartum Support International is a good place to start.
Discuss roles with your partner.
Household chores will ramp up significantly after baby. Assess your current division of labor to achieve the right balance; then recalibrate once baby arrives.
Give mom extra love and care.
Becoming a mom is a major life transition. This is the time to show her even more love and care to help her through this process. When shopping for the baby registry, don’t forget about mom!
If you’re worried someone you care about might be experiencing a perinatal mood and health disorder, check out the resources below from Postpartum Support International.
Looking for more info?
There are so many great resources of support out there, but it can be overwhelming to find the right fit based on your current needs.
While I don’t offer direct, professional support to new moms, I love helping other new moms feel less alone and find the support they need.
If you’d like advice on where to start and/or someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me.