Radical acceptance turned my postpartum anxiety into empowerment
One therapy lesson that changed my life | 4 min read
I learned something in therapy that changed everything: radical acceptance.
First, some context.
I have two little ones–a 3 year old daughter and a 1 year old son.
I’ve always cared about mental health and wellness. Before kids, I prioritized sleep, exercise, and a healthy diet. Therapy got me through tough moments, so I knew the power of support.
After my first, I had mild postpartum anxiety. Couples counseling, life coaching, and a peer support group helped me through it. I connected with other moms who ‘got it’, made sense of the identity shift, and learned how to set boundaries and ask for help.
Then my second baby came, and anxiety hit harder.
A few weeks in, I knew I needed help.
I used Postpartum Support International’s Provider Directory to find the right therapist for me.
Therapy was a game-changer. Again.
What postpartum anxiety looked like for me
Postpartum anxiety isn’t just worrying a little more than usual. Postpartum Support International defines anxiety as constant worry, racing thoughts, feelings of dread, and fears that feel hard to control. It can hit anytime, up to a year after birth.
At 3 months postpartum, I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety–mostly fueled by sleep deprivation.
The exhaustion consumed me.
Every morning, my smartwatch stats dictated my mood. I obsessed over naps. I tracked every feed and nap, desperately looking for patterns for better sleep.
I refused my husband’s help because I wanted to control the nighttime routine.
I was worried my baby’s cries would wake my toddler.
I was snapping at my husband, lost patience with my toddler, and avoided social plans so I could nap.
And when I finally had the chance to sleep, I couldn’t because of all the worrying.
I wasn’t feeling myself.
The therapy session that changed everything
After a few therapy sessions, my therapist told me to radical acceptance.
She first explained the difference between pain and suffering. Pain is what happens when things go wrong–exhaustion, stress, frustration. Suffering is when we resist that pain–wishing things were different, obsessing over what I can’t control, spiraling.
Radical acceptance meant sitting with the pain without letting it turn into suffering.
She gave me an example: Imagine a bride who wakes up to rain on her wedding day. She can stew in frustration. Or she can choose to accept the reality and enjoy that day.
That changed everything for me.
How I started practicing radical acceptance
Instead of ‘Why won’t my baby sleep? It’s not fair’, I started shifting my thinking:
Accept the reality: Newborn sleep is unpredictable and sleep deprivation is part of this season. I don’t have to like it, but I can stop resisting it.
Feel the emotions: Exhausted? Frustrated? Resentful? All valid. Suppressing them doesn’t make it go away.
Stay present: I stopped replaying the bad nights or dreading future ones. When my baby woke up, I took a deep breath, focused on the moment, and reminded myself it wouldn’t last forever.
Find gratitude: In those dark, exhausted hours, I reminded myself: My baby is healthy. I get to be there for him. I can kiss his soft cheek before laying him down.
Be kind to myself: Anxiety around sleep is so common. I reminded myself I was doing my best–and that I was still a great mom.
Let go of expectations: My daughter slept through the night at 11 weeks. My son took much longer to get there. Every baby is different. Comparing them wasn’t helping anyone.
Things aren’t perfect and I still have anxiety. But when my baby woke up crying, I didn’t spiral into frustration and hopelessness. I got up, soothed him, and moved on.
Even if I didn’t get much sleep, I felt better.
Radical acceptance is empowering
It’s not easy to admit how anxious I was or how I struggled. But I’m sharing this so other new moms feel less alone.
1 in 5 new moms experience a mental health disorder during pregnancy or postpartum. But 75% don’t get the help they need.
Motherhood is life-changing and humbling. It’s full of things we can’t control, and it’s easy to get stuck in the ‘this isn’t fair’ mindset.
But radical acceptance has become my new mantra. There’s something about the word ‘radical’ that feels empowering. Now, I use it for everything–tantrums, bedtime battles, potty training, sick days, and parenting disagreements.
It’s amazing how that’s made more room for joy.
If you’re struggling, reach out. You’re not alone. Contact Postpartum Support International’s Helpline at 1-800-944-4773.
